Doremi X eats the Dream Traveler
by Kadaj5
Summary: An unusual X-Parasite is called in to deal with someone the Precure want eliminated. She accepts, but she's going to have to get him into the right spot for the right attack. A spitefic against a certain author. Riff at will.


**This is based on an indirect RP I had against Xantrax-42. Given my general dislike for him, I can assure you that it will have a lot of anti-Blaze goodness! If you like Xantrax-42's works, I would suggest skipping over this.**

 **Without further adieu…**

* * *

Hello. My name…is Doremi-X. For those of you familiar with _Metroid: Fusion_ , I am an X-Parasite, a monster that can shapeshift into any creature it absorbs. For those who are familiar with John Carpenter's _The Thing_ , YES, the X-Parasites are collectively an expy of the titular monster. Just ask the guys in charge of dreaming our kind up!

KO, tangent over, I…had some history. Some really bad history. I'm not like normal X-Parasites since I was wasn't born by the usual asexual division my kind reproduce by. No, I was split off deliberately after another X-Parasite, whom I refer to as my "mother", gained the DNA of a young girl with strange powers. She called it "magic", right?

I digress. A lot happened, people died, and world had to be reset so that my mother never showed up, and I ended up in the void. I returned, and I was able to be a good being. Well, after my bad other personality was removed, of course. I…went to other universes since I'm apparently separated from normal space-time.

Here, I met two young girls who were complaining about a boy with terrible powers who seemed capable of bending the universe to his will. He forced both of them to be his sister and girlfriend, respectively. I think their names were "Ellen" and "Kurumi"? Yeah, but Ellen's name was "Siren"; she just called herself that to blend in easier. I offered to help (and had to calm them down after they found out what I really was; trust me, I'm not as horrible a creature as Samus thinks the rest of my kind as, aaaaand I really don't want to go into detail), but I would need help. Those Witches back in that other universe lent aid, too, and gave me access to their simulator.

Siren claims she's a Pretty Cure, while Kurumi is a fairy that can change into a form that can fight really well. I asked who the name of this boy was, but they were too disgusted to speak it. They were certain he would tell me himself; either that, or I could just get his DNA and his knowledge with it. Among other things… Crap. Getting power-hungry thoughts again. Doremi-X, control those impulses! You're not like other X-Parasites!

OK, special effects that can send him on a wild goose chase? Check! Seemingly destroyed city? Check! Disguise? Easy; my favorite form was a little girl named Doremi, hence my own name, and he seems to be attracted to them, so I'll use that! Ruse when I actually do kill him? I have to act like my bad personality. Ugh, ugh, ugh, I'm already having flashbacks!

No! Focus! Just. Act. Natural! The simulator has made a ruined city big enough to be a viable battle field, and they've even overlaid it so it would seem this guy is showing up to a ruined city without even knowing it's a trap!

Oh, by the way, I can't reproduce. I used healing magic on myself once, and the rules of that magic punished me by stopping my asexual division. It's…somewhat good, I guess, since I won't be wiping out whole worlds with thousands of offspring that I will have no control over, but I'm still concerned about my own race being on the verge of extinction. I'm the only one left that I know of!

* * *

Doremi-X lied there, curled up in a fetal position. She was mimicking a survivor of a recent monster attack who had just come out of hiding and was devastated to see her home city destroyed. She was sobbing uncontrollably. At least, that's what she _wanted_ on lookers to think. She may have been doing too good of a job.

She heard someone approach. _Oh! Good!_ He's _finally shown up!_ She thought. The shapeshifter grew a microscopic eye on her "shirt" to verify. The guy wore a pair of goggles, a shirt with puffy sleeves, kahki shorts, large boots, and a long red scarf. _Yeah, it's him. Sheez, how unoriginal can he be?_

"Are you alright, girl?" the boy, Blaze Akechi, asks.

Doremi-X keeps her disbelief internalized. _How patronizing!_ She mentally remarks, "I...I don't know!" she gasps, "It happened so fast...it happened so fast...it happened so fast..."

She pretends not to calm down.

"Calm down, girl. Take a deep breath and relax. Then tell me what happened," Blaze said.

 _May as well,_ she deadpanned, mentally. She pretended to calm down slightly. "It...It happened so fast! I...I was..." She shakes her head and gets into a sitting position. "I was just walking around the playground when...when people started shouting and running for it. Before I knew what was happening...several...several buildings were blown to the ground! I...I could never see what was causing all of this! Everything was happening so fast!" She takes a deep breath. "I...I ran...and I hid. I don't know how long it lasted, but when I came out, everything was destroyed! It should've been just a dream...b-but...b-b-but it wasn't! I don't know how long I was lying there before you arrived."

 _Good thing I'm not human,_ she mentally remarked.

The supposed "ninja's" eyes widened as Doremi-X explained. _Several building? Could it be a terrorist attack? Or a freak accident?_ He thought.

 _Why is he broadcasting his thoughts?_ The shapeshifter mentally queried. A microscopic eye of hers twitched. "I did s-s-see a gl-glimpse of the monster," she continues, "It was big, and it was jet black! Th-that's all I saw before I ran away!"

"Monster?" Blaze looked surprised, especially with his eyes widening even more. "You mean that monster attacked the town?" He asked. Doremi-X nods her head, making sure it as shaky as possibly. "What does it look like?" He asked, again.

 _IS THIS GUY FOR REAL?!_ Doremi-X mentally shouts, incredulously. A small level of confusion becomes apparent on her face. "Didn't...didn't you hear me the first time?" she asks, scratching her head. _Ugh, this guy is sooo stupid!_

"S-Sorry." He said shyly, blushing with embarrassment.

 _So this is the creepiness Milk and Siren told me of,_ she mused. She thought of an act and decides to take a step back and take caution with Blaze. "Why are you looking at me that way?" she asked, eying him carefully.

He shook his head and dropped the shyness. "Nothing." Suddenly, he sensed danger and took the girl's hand and pulled her in. "Watch out!" Something like a flame showered from above and he ran away with Doremi-X in his grip from the danger. "What was that all about?"

She pulls herself out of his grip and maintains her distance from him. "I don't know!" She sees where the flames hit. It was now just a pile of stony debris from a building leaning slightly above where she was. "I believe THAT was it," she said, pointing at the ruined building. "See? It fell off." She points to a flaming bit near the top. A piece of it seems to have broken off. _I guess he was expecting a monster attack,_ she mused.

That's when she realized Blaze had left some dead skin cells on her hand. She quickly draws them in. Blaze's DNA is now part of her collection, and she knows everything about him, his abilities, his forms, his powers, and his memories. She felt quite disgusted with the latter.

She puts more distance between herself and the boy, and this time she makes sure she's nowhere near any other ruined buildings. She keeps her hands close to her body and stays well out of Blaze's reach. The imitation maintains a careful eye on him.

 _Let's see if he can guess who the monster is?_

Blaze left without hesitation, prompting Doremi-X to assume the form of a hummingbird and secretly trail him. She saw what seemed to be a pile of rock, but special effects she put in place have definitely fooled him briefly. Unfortunately, it was too brief, and he realized it wasn't really the monster. He began heading back along the exact same path he took to get there.

Doremi-X used her magic to stop time and make it there before he did. She resumed her favorite form and waited for him there. Blaze returns within a few minutes.

"We can't stay here any longer. Would you come with me?" the self-proclaimed "ninja" asked.

With an internal smirk, she shakes her head. "No," the shapeshifter replies, "I still don't trust you. Not in the slightest."

Blaze stayed silent. Doremi-X got the impression that there was still ominousness in the air. She also mused how much of that ominousness came from him. In any case, she shook her head and left the boy's presence. "I think you should go now," she said, "Nothing you do right now is ever going to get me to trust you. I also think I'm better off taking my chances with the monster than being near you."

On those words, she walks away. She knows that, as the monster, nothing was going to come out and jump her, but she still kept close to the buildings. At least, if only to make it look like there was something to be cautious about.

That's when Blaze drew his sword (which Doremi-X considered to NOT be a ninja weapon) and swung wildly at another pile of rocks that happened to be nearby. "You were saying?" he said, eying her. "I have no reason to ask for your trust. Go somewhere safe."

Doremi-X gave another internalized smirk. _And he falls for it again,_ she mentally chuckles, "You need to get your eyes checked," she replied, a hint of amusement in her tone, "Maybe then you won't mistake piles of rubble for monsters. Better yet, maybe then you won't look like such an idiot!"

She walks off, and secretly stops time once again to rig a building to fall on top of him. When she finishes, she gets as far away as possible and lets the building come down on top of him. Blaze is unscathed since he somehow avoided the debris, which she attributed to his "bending the universe to his will" thing the Precure spoke of.

He rushes up with a large pile of rubble. _I guess he thinks it's a corpse?_ Doremi-X thinks, bemused.

"Now do you trust me? Or is it something you don't actually want to admit?" he asked.

Doremi-X just takes a piece of rubble. She is again secretly amused that he fell for it a third time in a row. It was even the same pile to boot!

"I still don't trust you," she replies, "You're still mistaking piles of rocks for monsters."

"But I digress. While you were busy, eh, 'dealing' with it, I did some snooping around," she continues, "There's some damage that seems too deliberate to be from a regular destructive creature. If you'll take a look inside that building over there." She points inside at a damaged column. "I wonder what happens if that particular column is struck in the right spot..."

She takes a rock and, with precision, throws it at the damaged portion. It hits, and the entire building begins to shake, prompting her to retreat. She grabs the boy by his arm and pulls him away as the entire building collapses. Neither get hurt.

"What I thought," she said, "Some of the damage isn't wantonly destructive. There's a level of strategy here. In fact, it looks like the wanton damage was just to mask the strategic damage and send do-gooders on a wild goose chase." She takes a breath. "It would also mean that the thing that caused all this damage is smarter than either of us thought. It's not some mindless monster."

Blaze just sighed and continued. It was clear he wasn't going to be able to fight the monster when he wanted. Doremi-X sensed it and decided to try and keep yanking his chain. She leads him to a café since she's assuming he's hungry. Its upper floors are gone and its ground floor is exposed.

"I'm hungry," the shapeshifter says, "Are you? Maybe there's something there that's salvageable?"

"I guess," replied Blaze. He went into the confines and began rummaging through the cuppard.

"Anything dry should still be alright," she said, "But it has been several hours, so a lot of what's in the fridge is likely spoiled." She ignored the refrigerator on that note and instead referred to the freezer; most of what was in there was partially thawed, leaving the dessert worthless. Of course, this is a simulation that Doremi-X had lured Blaze into, so anything goes. "I guess we can get some of this-?"

Doremi-X then sees something in there. That something gives her an incredibly wide smile. Blaze notices this when he turns to her. "Which?" he inquires.

The shapeshifter practically tears it out of the freezer. "STEAK!" she exclaims. She quickly becomes sullen. "There's only one left, though." She looks again. "There's…a pizza in here, too."

If it was one thing she inherited from Doremi Harukaze's DNA, it was a love for steak. Indeed, even this X-Parasite couldn't get enough of it. Literally, she couldn't; she also shared the pink Ojamajo's poor luck when getting steak.

She rummaged through the freezer again and shakes her head. "The dessert in here is too badly melted. And most of it's spilled and mixed with stuff it really shouldn't be mixed with." She shrugs. "Oh well. Let's see if some of these cooking machines still work!"

"I'll check on the oven," Blaze offers. He turns it on, it doesn't start, prompting him to turn it off. "It's busted. But let me see if I can fix it."

 _I can easily tell it isn't broken,_ Doremi-X thought, _Samus's visor lets me scan it even if it's just my eyes doing it._ She smiles. "You can't tell if it's truly busted by simply testing it out," the girls says. She opens the oven door. "If you look here, you'll notice that it's made to run on pure electricity." She then points to the downed power lines. "As long as THOSE stay down, no electricity can get to this thing. Plus, the entire thing is practically unscathed. All it needs is some strong batteries and it'll run."

She quickly rummages through the cabinet and fridge and pulls out a few armfuls of citrus and potatoes. "I can dismantle the damaged machines here for copper and galvanized screws. With those, I can turn these fruits and vegetables into wetcell batteries that can power the oven. They really won't be edible as a result, but it's the only way to cook your pizza and my steak."

 _Yay,_ she thought, dryly, _Science lesson._

"That's smart," Blaze remarked, impressed by what he thought was a young girl had said.

She just tilts her hand in a "so-so" gesture. "Ehh, I learned how to make these kinds of batteries in science class," she explained, "I'm an elementary schooler." She shakes her head. _I look like one, at least_. "Anyway..."

She finishes stripping down the broken machines and extracts enough copper and galvanized screws to make about 19 batteries. "Looks like we can have some fruits and veggies with our meal after all!" she chortles, "Now to finish setting it all up..."

She uses more copper wire to connect the screws and does the same with the copper pieces. Then, she takes the oven's cord and strips it so as to make it easier to connect the batteries. Then, she connects the cord to the batteries before testing it out.

The oven works, but the heat won't go very high.

"Like I said: It needs strong batteries. Otherwise, it's going to take much longer to cook. Unless you have something that can give this thing more power?" She rummages through the equipment and finds a pizza pan and several broken glass containers. "This'll do for your pizza. But this one-" She holds up the least damaged glass container; one of its two handles is broken off. "-this one will have to do for my steak."

She sighs. "This glass is thick and it's built to handle oven temperatures. But just my luck they're all broken in a way. At least this one is only missing a handle."

"A handle, huh?" Blaze looked around when it was mentioned. He noticed a handle in the rubble and quickly dug it out. "Is this it?" He asked.

 _This guy is really that dumb!_ Doremi-X mentally shouted, keeping her laughter bottled up, _Why he's such an issue for those Precure is beyond me!_

She shakes her head, partially from amusement over Blaze blatantly picking the wrong handle. "Nope," she replies. She then looks through the equipment where she found the glass container and tries out several pieces of glass before finding one that fit perfectly. When placed, the container looked absolutely complete. "Yeah, this piece was the other handle. See how it fits? But it won't stay even if we use something; the oven heat would just cause it to fall off again."

She activates and preheats the oven. She then rummages through the cabinet and finds some seasonings to apply to her steak while the oven gets to temperature. Once it finishes preheating, she places steak in the glass container and puts it in the oven. She unwraps the pizza and puts it on the pizza pan before placing it in the oven. Once that was taken care of, she closes the oven door.

"Now, we wait."

"Does it take a long time? You said it's going to take much longer to cook unless we need strong batteries," He commented. He then rummaged his bag and looked for something.

 _I dunno. Power Control Pills?_ She snarked, mentally, "For steak, it depends on how you want it cooked," she explains, "Anywhere from 'Rare' to 'Well', with 'Rare' being the shortest and 'Well' being the longest; 'Medium' is in between. I like my steaks Medium; so nice and juicy!" She starts to drool slightly at the thought, though she was certain Doremi liked her steaks in any shape or form as long as they were beef.

She shakes her head to snap out of it. "As for the pizza, eh, I guess the cafe owners threw out the instructions? Because they weren't on the wrapping." She retrieves the wrapping the pizza was once in and examines it. "Definitely gone."

She sighs. "The pizza shouldn't take too long; in fact, cooking in low heat can be an advantage since the food gets done all the way through." She looks at the oven and notices that the door has a window. She tries to peer inside, but there are grease stains obscuring the view. "When was the last time this was cleaned?" She shakes her head and opts to open it to check on the food.

The steak is already starting to brown and sizzle while the pizza seemed almost done due to having partially melted cheese. She closes the oven door and goes over to peel an orange. "We've got about a minute or two to go for your pizza, and about five or so for my steak."

Blaze said nothing as he rummaged through the cupboard again. He found numerous cans, but only one of them was intact. It had spinach in it, if the kanji and katakana written and the picture were any indication. He discarded it, obviously not liking his veggies.

The imitation opened the oven and laid it before Blaze. About three minutes later, the oven went "Ding!" and she got her steak. "Let's eat?" she asked, retrieving a fork and knife with which to eat her steak with.

"Sure," Blaze replies, "Itadakimasu!" he says, eating his pizza.

Doremi-X mentally cringed at the self-proclaimed "ninja's" use of Japanese in a non-Japanese language and took he steak to another table. Regardless, she savors each and every bite of steak. It wasn't the most efficient way for her kind to eat, but it gave her a sense of taste, and she enjoyed it quite thoroughly.

"Delicious," Blaze remarks, finishing his meal.

His back is turned to Doremi-X, and he is now quite vulnerable to attack. Doremi-X is aware of his tricks and even has access to them, including his all-seeing-eye. She makes sure Blaze isn't anticipating her attack, freezes time, and quickly shifts her hands into claws. She runs him through, one set going puncturing his chest and the other his stomach. Time moves forward again one nanosecond before she hits.

"I'm glad you like your last meal," Doremi-X hisses, "Blaze Akechi."

"Not really. It's my 5000th meal," Blaze retorts. He finds himself unable to use his substitution abilities and instead refers to making an illusion. The illusion takes his form while his real form resembles a wooden decoy; the former shoots Doremi-X in the head. "And congratulations, you're my 5000th customer to eat my bullet!" The illusion fires again.

Doremi-X, still using Blaze's all-seeing-eye, instantly sees through the illusion, though she had to admit she underestimated his ability to keep going despite suffering a terrible amount of damage. Still, impalement through the chest and stomach is impalement through the chest and stomach. Blaze won't last, especially since the claws are in the way of some kind of force that's trying to heal him.

"Do you really believe that was going to fool me?" she hisses. The imitation wastes no time in throwing Blaze to the ground. He's free from the claws due to it, but his entrails were caught and were now hanging out. The blood on the claws vanished, having seeped into Doremi-X's body.

She quickly slurps up the entrails for extra nourishment and to have a better understanding of Blaze's abilities.

Blaze, on the other hand, now got to see the monster. She had made it all the more apparent thanks to the rows of razor-sharp teeth that now lined her mouth. He wasn't about to give up yet, despite the damage he suffered. Rather than use his powers to heal himself, he conjures yet another illusion. This time, he makes it look like the entrails exploded while another illusory duplicate appeared out of rubble.

"Hope you like your last dessert, squib," he comments.

 _Does he even know what that means?_ Doremi-X asked herself, _idiot._

"Yknow," she begins, "You claim to be a 'ninja', but those things you're trying to do? That isn't ninjutsu. Please learn what an actual ninja is before going around and pretending to be one." She then smirks at the boy. "By the way, when you pulled me out of the way of that falling debris earlier, you gave me some of your DNA. And with it, all of your knowledge, powers, forms, and abilities. Those entrails of yours simply added to my nourishment. I know all of your tricks, and I can see right past them!"

Her eyes glow the same color as Blaze's all-seeing-eye. They confirm that he is the real one as she picks him up by the head using her claws. At that point, Blaze falls unconscious from blood loss and Doremi-X, out of curiosity, inserts some tendrils to see what his last unconscious thoughts are.

In Blaze's mind, he tries to make a decoy for real and force it to explode in her face. In his mind, the explosion kills her while he appears without any sort of injury. "Big talk," he said.

Alas, it was just that: Unconscious thoughts. Rolling her eyes, Doremi-X crushes the pathetic boy's skull in between her claws, killing him instantly and letting his headless corpse fall to the ground.

The blood and guts on her claw are quickly absorbed as it boils and shifts into something more like a smart phone. She quickly gets a call.

"Hello? Precure?" She asks.

"Yes," the one on the other end, Siren, replies, "Did..did you do it?"

"Yes, he's dead, just like I promised!"

Siren breathes a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you so much!"

That's when someone else took the phone. "Kurumi here! Can you get rid of the body! I don't want any trace of him left!"

"Ok, ok, ok, I'll get rid of the body," Doremi-X replies, "Then we can-!"

Another call comes up. "We're leaving," came a voice, "Please hurry up, okay?"

"Oh, ok."

"C'mon! We're throwing a 'Blaze's gone' party!" Siren said, "You're invited, so come! You've earned it!"

"Thank you!" Doremi-X chortled, "Bye!" With that, she returns to her favorite form. "That was easier than expected. But...I really didn't like acting like a vile monster..." she remarked, quivering from flashbacks to when she was practically a prisoner in her own body.

She snaps out of it before going to town on Blaze's corpse. In moments, there is nothing left but a pile of brittle bones, tattered clothes, and three swords. She then used the D-Shifter technology she assimilated to immediately warp to where the party was being held.

There was still the issue of Shadow Akechi, however…

* * *

 **Winner: Doremi-X!**

 **Yeah, a lot of her thoughts were mine from when the RP happened. I uploaded this the day he gave an ultimatum: Either accept that last event (the one where he blows Doremi-X up and disproves that she has his powers now) or he stops. Of course, the latter only means he rage quits and thus gives me the victory.**

 **Had Xantrax-42 healed himself, the fight would have lasted much longer, but he was too dead set on godmodding the injuries away. He could've just taken them, healed them off, and fought fair and square. The "illusions" he used was my overruling of his godmodding.**

 **Anyhoo, this is a spite fic against him that was made on a whim and request. I hope all you Xantrax-42-haters out there liked it.**


End file.
